So for the past few months life has been interesting for the Allen family. The boys and I left Oklahoma in July to live with Ryan's parents until baby Cole was born. A week and a half after Cole's birth, we came down to southern Utah to stay with my parents. (Ryan came up with this plan, since he didn't want me to worry about taking care of our home and trying to sell it while taking care of a newborn). Anyway, we've been with out a dad for 3 months, not counting the few wonderful quick visits he was able to make.
On the one hand, I feel like I've been on vacation for 3 months: Living out of suitcases, only making a few meals here and there, not having to clean the whole house, not having a church calling, etc. I'm so grateful for my in-laws and my parents for putting up with us for so long. Especially during the emotional-breakdown times! And especially now that I have Cole. I spend a lot of time feeding him and taking care of him, and my parents have really helped out. My dad's retired, so he takes the "older" boys out when I need a break. I know that once we move to Colorado later this week, I'm going to be in for quite a surprise. Life will be harder. My dad won't be there to clean my kitchen, do my dishes, and entertain my boys. My mom won't be there to hold Cole for me, to help out with the kids in the morning, and to take Josh to school. I mean, seriously!
On the other hand, it will be so nice to have Ryan with us. Even though I have great help, I'm the boys' mom, and when the boys are naughty or sad or tired, they only want me. So I might go crazy during the day, but having Ryan home for dinner and bedtimes will help so much! Having him there to help during the night when Cole won't sleep will be awesome! We miss him so much. Especially the boys. This whole experience has shown me the important role the father plays in the family. The boys need a dad to play with and rough-house with. They need a dad to be stern with them and tell them to listen to their mother. :) They need a dad to cuddle and read stories them. They need a dad to run to when mom's had enough. They need a dad to feel secure. I truly admire women who are raising their kids with out a father because it is hard!
I will say this: I feel that I have grown quite a bit. I tend to whine and feel sorry for myself if life isn't nice and easy--like the kids feed themselves and put themselves to bed and play well together. :) At first I prayed for life to ease up a bit, because I didn't want to deal with hard things. I soon realized that that wasn't going to happen, so instead I started praying for strength. I looked to my sister, my mom, my grandma, my great-grandma, and the pioneers for their examples of strength in being mothers. Now I tell myself that I can't throw my hands in the air and give up when I have a bad day because my kids need their mom. I think of the pioneer women who kept moving forward toward Zion, even when they faced so many hardships. I know they did it for their children and their posterity. Anyway, I'm so grateful that my boys have such a good dad. I'm so glad to be getting him back this week--and so are my parents!
