Who Said Marathons Are Hard???

I know I said I'd stop with the long posts, but here is another one. Sorry.

So there has been a lot of talk about people running half marathons and full marathons. Katie running in DC, Megan, Lori & my brother Scott running the one in Ogden, even my brother-in-law Zach doing a triathlon in St. George. While you think all these people over-achieving would serve to motivate me, right? Well, maybe in a way. I would like to tell you all about the marathon-of-sorts that I completed just recently. An act that I believe should be equal to that of all you runners.

The other night we were having a BBQ with some friends (Katie reminds me it was Mother's Day - I don't think she's bitter). It came to our attention that someone amongst us thought they could eat more cereal than anyone else. In fact, I'm pretty sure Kasey Aldrich threw down the gauntlet, stating nobody could out-eat him, especially pansy Noah Shafer. Soon this thing began to snowball, and got out of control. A date was set, our cereals were chosen, and strategies were outlined.

Being a connoisseur of cereal, I knew there were several routes I could take. 1 - Go with the tasty, albeit sugary cereal, like Cinnamon Toast Crunch; 2 - Go with a more fluffy, but moderately tasty cereal like Honeycombs; or 3 - Go with more of a healthy but enjoyable cereal like Honey Bunches of Oats. Being the kind of guy who often enjoys 2 bowls of cereal for breakfast, I realized that ofttimes by the end of my second bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch I am just dreading drinking the sugar-milk at the bottom of my bowl (my Grandma Nilsson never let me off the hook without drinking it - what can I say, it became a habit).

The answer was clear, if I was to put my whole heart and stomach into this competition, I couldn't choose a sugary cereal. Here are my thoughts going through the challenge:

Bowl 1 - Kasey is an idiot. He just dumped half his box of Fruity Pebbles into his ginormous bowl. Nothing worse than soggy cereal.

Bowl 2 - Why didn't we do this earlier? This is kind of fun.

Bowl 3 - People talking all around me. Can't converse, must focus.

Bowl 4 - You've got to be kidding me! Kasey just refilled his bowl with the other half of the box! I should stop now...

Bowl 5 - Noah is pretending to throw up all his Fruity Pebbles. Maybe that's a good strategy to force some of the girls out. Here I go...

Bowl 6 - I really wish my cereal didn't have dried strawberries. I can't eat much more. And how is Kasey already done with his 17 oz box???

Bowl 7 - Noah still fake-vomiting? Christy Rasmussen is now surrounding herself with boxes of cereal so she can't see Noah. I think she's going to spew.

Bowl 8 - Christy and her husband Ian are out! Ahh, they were never even in my league anyway...

Bowl 9 - I need Katie to get me another box of cereal. Must...beat...Kasey...

Bowl 10 - Only 5 more bowls to pass Kasey - He shouldn't have stopped after one box, he totally under-estimates me - maybe next time he will estimate me.

Bowl 11 - I shouldn't have figured out how many more bowls I need to eat, I think I taste something coming up...

Bowl 12 - Slowing down........

Bowl 13 - Never again.......

Bowl 14 - You've got to be kidding me, Shannon has almost finished her box of Cinnamon Toast??? Where did she come from? I can't lose to a girl!

Bowl 15 - There goes Kasey in my rear-view - sucka! No way, Shannon is still going?

Bowl 15 and a half - If worse comes to worst I will sabotage Shannon.

I'm sure that those of you who know me can guess the result of this little competition. Three trips to the bathroom before noon the next day.

Oh yes, you can also probably guess by the length of this blog, and my unearthly physique, that I did in fact win the competition. Although it wasn't until AFTER I won that I realized we never decided on a prize for the winner. At that point, I was the only one who thought there SHOULD be a prize for winning.

As a side-note, I can't look at Honey Bunches of Oats in the same way as I used to.

10 comments:

Lori said...

tee hee hee. i LIKE it. totally 100% harder than a marathon. at least i didn't have to fight the urge to purge!

way to win, uhhh, the prize of gloating? i'll PDF you a certificate soon.... (using some sort of incriminating junior high photo, i'm suuure...wuahahahaha)

The Killer Bunch said...

Ummm, wow! way to go Ryan I bet you feel so proud of your great accomplishment. I must say 15 bowls is pretty impressive. How long did it take you? Did you get your pregnant belly to pop after that?

Heidi said...

That made me want to puke just thinking about it! But way to go that is quite impressive I must say.

Megan said...

I love it. I am always up for an eating competition and I am pretty confident I would do well. Although in reading it I think a little something came up. Did you ever attend Mindy Meachum's cereal party in high school? People were puking off her patio while she sprayed the vomit away with a hose below....good times.

Congrats on the much earned win!

Crescent said...

Hey Katie! I'm glad you found our blog! It's good to hear that you are doing well. It feels great to have one year of dental school behind you huh? David actually got accepted at NYU as well, but we picked Buffalo because of the (much) cheaper cost. How is your family doing? Where is Erin now? Does she have a blog? Your little boy is such a doll. It's so crazy to me that you are all grown up and a mom now! I still think of you as Erin's little sister, which you still are, but just more grown up I guess! It's so crazy to me! Visit our blog often!

Yo Mama said...

1. this was a two person match between two mannly men. kasey and i were just being nice by pretending that other people were in the competition for the cereal eating king. before the competition, we decided that in order to eliminate any disparities among the different cereals, we would use the same kind, fruity pebbles. thus eliminating the technique of strategically eating non-filling cereal.

it is also note worthy that kasey quit after one box of cereal because his only real competition, yours truly, had forfeited to him. ryan had to stay at the table for a substantial period of time after that in order to finally catch up.

noah

Mr. Belvedeere said...

you may hold your own in the cereal arena, but lets see how you stack up in the beef jerky department. my place, tonight, 6 pm. if you don't show i'll understand and take it as an informal declaration of my prowess.

Zach and Erika said...

Its sad how very proud of you I am. It wasn't too long ago that I won a pancake eating contest with our neighbors. I think it was 14 pancakes I downed. My 6'8" neighbor won the male division but I almost had him too...he ate 18. Us Allens go big or go home.

Michelle said...

Ok, I never leave comments but I had to. I can't seriously believe that you ate that much but I'm glad you won. Thanks for the post it got me laughing today!

Megan said...

That is weird that you just 'stumbled' across someone with my name. She must be super cool...sometimes I miss my maiden name cause people didn't give me weird looks when I said it and misspell it as often, but I sure had more nick names because of it.

On another note, I went to the dentist today and the whole thing made me angry..mostly at my mom for not watching me take my fluoride daily cause I never actually did and I blame my problems on that. Are you ready for people to be sad when they leave your office?