Fat Man In Little Clothes

Sometimes it seems like your life is so boring that you have nothing to write about. For well over a week Katie has been bugging me to post something on our blog. I try to maintain a standard of excellence, and for this reason have yet to post anything. But I believe that I have something that I will want to remember for generations to come. Ok, so it's not that great. Just keep your expectations low, and you won't be disappointed.

Let me just tell you about one of my buddies from school. His name is Matt (names have not been changed in order to maintain authenticity - sorry Matt). Matt is somewhat of an outdoor type of guy. Hiking, rock climbing, camping, bike riding, etc. all seem to be on his list of favorite things to do. He also seems to be in pretty good shape, since his hobbies (unlike mine) involve being active. He is, however, shall we say "small in stature". I'm not saying this to be rude, but if I recall correctly, he was introduced to me as "Midget Matt". Matt is roughly 5'4 1/4".

Anyway, we have had unseasonably warm weather the past week here in NYC. So much so that on Tuesday Matt decided that it was warm enough to wear shorts and ride his bike to school at 7:30 am. When he got to school he was so excited about the feat he had just accomplished, that when he saw all of us in pants, he began to tease us - being that it was so warm outside, we should all be wearing shorts! It wasn't until after our class, 2 hours later, that he realized what a mistake he'd made. In 10 minutes he had a lab in which there is a rigid dress code, one which Matt and his shorts were in violation of.

Frantically all 150 pounds Midget Matt turns to me and says, "you've gotta switch me pants!" To which I just laughed. Keep in mind I am currently trying to top 6'1", and fighting to stay under 185 (with my size 34 waist). To be honest, I even have some size 36 pants (lets keep that on the down-low...). We would look something like this standing next to each other:



After an amazing sales job, I agree to switch him pants. After-all, I didn't want the poor kid to fail the lab! Matt had promised me that his shorts would be big enough, but when I put them on, I could zip the zipper, but I couldn't button the button. His belt did fit around me, however, with a half inch to spare! But I don't know if I would've been allowed to enter a stake dance - his shorts were about 3 inches above my knees. And that was while I was standing up! It was very John Stockton-esk.



The only catch was I looked like a complete idiot, while John was always able to maintain some semblance of manliness. I had sweet tube socks on, with somewhat dressy shoes. But I might as well have been wearing black church socks and shoes, as well as they matched my new short shorts. I had no idea what to do! The library was down 6 flights, and across the street. I was definitely not willing to parade around the streets of New York as I was, regardless of how many weirdoes there are out here. In fact, I didn't even want any of my classmates to see me. I was able to finally barricade/seclude myself in an anatomy lab room for 3 hours, until Matt came back and I was able to regain my pants and some self-respect.